I bet most of the whopping 13 followers have long since retreated from visiting DTBMMBLF. And I completely understand and would have bailed too!
But I'm back. Unfortunately, there's a WHOLE LOTTA me back! And it makes me sick. I don't know what it is about losing weight and me. Apparently I'm incapable of sticking to anything long enough to make it a "lifestyle change" as they say. Why is that? What does that say about me? I'm weak? I'm normal? I'm just a fat bastard, loser who has too many "issues" to stick to anything? Listen, I love myself. But for some reason I always think that tomorrow is the day! You know what I'm talking about....
Tomorrow is the day I will stop drinking soda. {yeah right}
Tomorrow is the day I will start walking again! {sure you will}
Tomorrow is the day I will eat only 1200 calories a day. {really? 1200 x 2 maybe}
Tomorrow is the day......fill in the blank.
Tomorrow comes and I over eat and wash it all down with a coke. Then immediately hate myself for what I've done.
I hate being fat. HATE IT! I despise how I feel, how I look, how my clothes fit. You name it...I hate it! BECAUSE I'M FAT! And I have no willpower!
And my husband doesn't get it. And I believe he never will.
This is what happened. I was doing well! Going to Jenny Craig. Walking. Then I went on vacation. I tried so hard. I even bought extra Jenny Craig food to take with me. I walked a couple of times while we were gone. Then some how I just fell off that wagon. And never got back on. Quite honestly, financially it was too much of a strain to keep up the cost of JC. And quite frankly, it seems that lately it's to much of a strain to keep up with the cost of anything for us. Maybe that stress is what helps contribute to my over eating. I am sure it has something to do with it.
What I want most, almost more than losing the weight, is to have a friend who understands. A friend who will jump into the trenches with me in moral support. A friend who understands what a struggle it is for me.
So here I am....laying it all out there. In hopes that this time will be the time.
Niki,
ReplyDeletePlease stop being so hard on yourself. I saw in your post on falling off the wagon how you were afraid of becoming a "heifer" again. You're not a heifer. Never have been and you aren't now.
Want proof? JC is boasting about the recent Consumer Reports that says they have the best program (92% of the people were still using JC at 2 years, but the weight loss was a meager 7.9%).
But here's what Consumer Reports doesn't say about that study: the participants got all of their meals and counseling FOR FREE; PLUS they were all paid $25 for each clinic visit (hence the high return rate); PLUS their counselors KNEW they were part of this study (can you say bias?).
So, even though it was free, they got paid to participate and their counselors could give them "special help" to make sure they succeeded, the most they lost was 10.1% of their starting weight at one year, then at two years they regained until they reached a 7.9% loss of their original weight. Most weight loss studies won't dare look at anything past two years because 95% of those who attempt to maintain weight loss for five years will regain that original amount, if not more.
You can read the original study here and this chart will show you how people peak at about a year, then begin gradually regaining.
When you attempt to lose weight, your body registers that as a "famine" and begins fighting back against your efforts. It's extremely complicated, but it involves an incredible variety of genetic and hormonal mechanisms that don't want you to starve.
I've studied this issue intensely for the past two years and am amazed by the amount of data that is going completely unreported on the ineffectiveness of long-term weight loss. I would be happy to walk you through some of it, as well as direct you to some of the interviews I've done with experts in the field. You can contact me at atchka at hotmail dot com.
Please don't hate your body for being the way it is. Your body is beautiful and wonderful! You don't need to change a thing! If you want to be healthy, look into Health at Every Size, the book by Dr. Linda Bacon (mmmmmmmm... bacon) and learn more about what health actually means (hint: not waist size).
The reason you are overeating is not because you're a horrible person or a failure, but because your body hates the restriction you put on it and will do everything it can to sabotage that restriction (including making foods look, smell and taste better, as well as put food at the forefront of your mind).
I hope you find peace with your body and I hope you find that friend you are looking for. If you need to talk, I'm happy to be there for you.
Peace,
Shannon