I bet most of the whopping 13 followers have long since retreated from visiting DTBMMBLF. And I completely understand and would have bailed too!
But I'm back. Unfortunately, there's a WHOLE LOTTA me back! And it makes me sick. I don't know what it is about losing weight and me. Apparently I'm incapable of sticking to anything long enough to make it a "lifestyle change" as they say. Why is that? What does that say about me? I'm weak? I'm normal? I'm just a fat bastard, loser who has too many "issues" to stick to anything? Listen, I love myself. But for some reason I always think that tomorrow is the day! You know what I'm talking about....
Tomorrow is the day I will stop drinking soda. {yeah right}
Tomorrow is the day I will start walking again! {sure you will}
Tomorrow is the day I will eat only 1200 calories a day. {really? 1200 x 2 maybe}
Tomorrow is the day......fill in the blank.
Tomorrow comes and I over eat and wash it all down with a coke. Then immediately hate myself for what I've done.
I hate being fat. HATE IT! I despise how I feel, how I look, how my clothes fit. You name it...I hate it! BECAUSE I'M FAT! And I have no willpower!
And my husband doesn't get it. And I believe he never will.
This is what happened. I was doing well! Going to Jenny Craig. Walking. Then I went on vacation. I tried so hard. I even bought extra Jenny Craig food to take with me. I walked a couple of times while we were gone. Then some how I just fell off that wagon. And never got back on. Quite honestly, financially it was too much of a strain to keep up the cost of JC. And quite frankly, it seems that lately it's to much of a strain to keep up with the cost of anything for us. Maybe that stress is what helps contribute to my over eating. I am sure it has something to do with it.
What I want most, almost more than losing the weight, is to have a friend who understands. A friend who will jump into the trenches with me in moral support. A friend who understands what a struggle it is for me.
So here I am....laying it all out there. In hopes that this time will be the time.
